That Anxious Buzz of Phone Calls

Do you ever get nervous even when you 100% know you’re capable of something and know once you start it, everything will be fine?

I’m getting a new project soon and I am so capable and prepared for it. I have been doing light and easy web design and management for upwards of seven years. I know how to do instructional documents and style guides. I used to be a writing tutor, so walking people through their own simple website won’t be hard. I’ve been writing for a variety of places from real estate to journalism (and running my own portfolio site) for eight and a half years. It’s all things that I am very comfortable and good at doing.

It’s kinda the same feeling as when you are anxious about phones. It’s the lead up that’s the nerves. It’s the waiting and the anticipation and typing in the numbers and feeling your heart race, your ears buzz as the rings go through. But the second you hear a voice? The anxiety melts and you just say what needs to be said. The doctor appointment is made. It’s done. At least that’s how it works for me.

I know once I start working it’ll be no big deal. Easy process. It’s the finalizing it, the planning, the lead-up that’s making my skin itch. I think that’s one of the reasons that writing books by myself appeals to me so much. Because there’s no wait. There’s just me moving on from one step to the next.

I guess the point is that I don’t know how to hold the buzz of anxiety for things I shouldn’t be anxious about. Or the anxiety of things I have no control over. It’s just the in-between. The limbo. I’m ready to move and do things. I think its the immobility that really freaks me out. Like, when its those moments before a phone call, there’s nothing to act on. Nothing to ensure what needs to be done will be accomplished. But once you’re talking, you know the thing will be finished.

It doesn’t make sense all the time, this anxiousness. But that’s okay. One of the things I’ve learned about feelings is that trying to stop them won’t help you. It’s holding onto the knowledge they will pass while being kind and forgiving to the feeling. Or, perhaps the better way to put it is neutral. Let it wash over you with your feet firmly in the ground. Not build a sea wall until it breaks. Just let the little tides hit when they must.

And then you keep making phone calls, even when it makes things itch and buzz. The waiting and anticipation won’t be forever.